After a short ride, we arrive at 5th Avenue, which is “the same as New York” says all the people that work here. Lies! First off, it’s like a bazaar. People are screaming “hey dude! Amigo! You come in my store, cheaper than Walmart”. I’ve never been offered so many pipes (for tobacco I’m sure). One dude told me he was a farmer and I needed to see his crops. Corn I’m sure. I declined since I didn’t want to get stolen and sold on the black market for stud purposes.

Danger Girl dragged me from store to store. Same junk, same dude telling us how awesome his junk was. The highlight of the day was drinking at a bar that had swings instead of bar stools. That was pretty sweet, and made the day go a little better.

So let’s talk about negotiating: our first experience in a store, Danger Girl found some ear rings she liked. Dude started in with 700 pesos. I’m like, “I think that’s like 65bux. Let’s leave.” Dude is like “no no, we make a deal. 650 pesos.” I say, “forget that sheeshnaw, we’re outta here.” He says “offer,” I say “400 pesos.” He gets pissed, but wraps it up. Secretly, I still think Danger Girl got hosed, but at least not $65 hosed.

Round 2 was for some wooden carved items that were pretty cool. Dude was like “650.” I say, “No way 650. 150.” He laughs and says “hand made, look at the quality. 600.” I say, “best I can do is 250,” and show him some money. He talks to his guys a bit and comes back with 300. Game on.

After a while, it becames apparent that we could talk down any price, but that got tiring after a while … Plus I hate shopping. So I’m all ready to go, but there’s no way we’re paying for a cab … And the bus doesn’t come back for an hour. So we stop at an “authentic” Mexican restaurant (lie) for beer and tacos. First of all, the beer was awesome (cold and full of alcohol). Second, the tacos were 65 pesos (5ish bucks) and were as big as a silver dollar. Not bad tasting, but mega tiny.

The bus comes, it’s standing room only since it’s the last one of the night. We roll back to the Sandos for drinking and whatnot.

Final word on Playa: it was cool if you like that sort of thing. It felt like a tropical version of Pidgeon Forge with less go-carts. In my mind, you go to a place like Playa for the culture and latitude. Just like you go to Gatlinburg for the Smokey Mountains.

But … I guess there is a buck to be had. As such, it is a tourist trap of mega proportions and swiftly turning into more of a resort town than it already is. The mega resorts are outside of town proper, but as we deviated from the recommends path (into the “ghetto and bario” as our driver put it) every other building was under construction and becoming a hotel of some sort. I guess it won’t be long before the whole area is a scripted experience. It felt a lot like being at Disney or Vegas, where the real world existed somewhere under the thick vaneer of bright pastel paint and behind the stacks cheap sombreros.

All in all, an interesting experience, but I won’t be first in line tomorrow morning for the bus. . For now, it’s tequila time! Pix below.

Swinging at the bar

The "New York City" of Mexico, Playa del Carmen. Lies!!

Chips and salsa before we got the "authentic" tacos . . . all of this was a filthy lie.

Shopping. O' god,the horror!

So we go to Xel Ha. Snorkle up first . . . and it’s awesome. I chase some fish for a while, but they won’t be caught. Just as I’m all in hot persuit, it’s time to eject and get ready to chase zombies . . . Danger Girl secures a double innertube and we transport back to dry land. Once there, I eat the finest of Mexican bacon and some tequila. Now it’s super-bus to Tulum.

Note: driving in Mexico isn’t what I expected . . . it is sane and normal. Well, except when the tour bus hit another tour bus . . .and our driver got out and started ragin’ against the other driver. But that’s another story.

Anyway, me and Danger Girl roll to Tulum, we immediately lose our guide and have to sneak into the facility without paying. Using my jedi powers to convince the ticket person that we were with another group and he had our tickets, we took our own self-guided tour and hunded down some Maya zombies. The view was flippin beautiful, and Danger Girl tangled with a zombie, and ended up more worse for the wear.

Well, pix below. Comments please!

Gnomy taking a dip. Danger Girl's hand in the way of the lens . . .

Me and Danger Girl about to get that snorkle on

This is where we are snorkeling. It doesn't suck.

Water is pretty clear . . . lots o' fishes.

Quick nap before zombie hunting

The search for zombies begins . . .

None here . . .

Or here . . .

There are rumors they live in this place . . . me and Danger Girl are gonna circle around back . . .

Back of the castle . . . Danger Girl flexes . . . oooh so strong! Zombies beware!

Danger Girl enters the lair of the zombies . . .

Aftermath: Danger Girl gets bitten by zombies . . . I'm afraid she will turn into one (or maybe she fell and tried to break the camera . . . I'm not telling which).

So then we went to that time share pitch. 3 hours later, they were pissed, and I was laughing. It was real dumb. They tried to pressure me … And I even told them I taught persuasion!! Note to everyone: I’m typing this on my phone, so don’t kill me for spelling errors . . . i’m doing my best typing while drunk on a 3 inch screen .

Then we got hammered on the beach. By hammered, I mean dude came around with tequilla every 10 minutes, OMG-we’re-gonna-get-eaten-by-a-shark hammered. I love this place. The beach is a little rocky, but the taquila is flippin’ primo. Pix!

Danger Girl getting that drunk on

So one time me an´ this statue went out drinking . . .

Gnome reppin´ it in the surf . . .

Danger Girl got dangerous on some tequila . . . a lot of times.