Adventures in Wonderland

Lookin hot!

Whoop!

So danger girl got older today (technically on Sunday) while we were getting krunk at the panegyri fest. Secretly we (and by we i mean monmon and andrea) made the band and dancers sing happy b-day to her. It was awesome in so many ways.

My sweet cube toys

After a day of layin’ on the beach, drinkin’ margaritas and jumpin’ over giant whales, the impossible happened – I got tan lines.  Then the rain rolled in and double rainbows sword faught across the sky.  Captain Awesome summoned the unicorn and we galloped for cover and more booze.  We had reservations at the Mediterranean joint (loose definition of Mediterranean) for dinner . . . hijinks ensued:  First, they brought us a plate of mystery meat on toast.  It looked like Spam, but white and lumpy. Captain Awesome ate his and I threw mine to the raccoons swimming in the pond below.  Then the appetizers came – some kinda mushy crab cake and a goat cheese pear salad.  The goat cheese ranked higher than the crab cake, but neither were great. For the main course, Captain Awesome ate a fish that was stuffed with other fish and whatever else they could scrape off of the bottom of the ocean.  I had chicken and veggies.  It was edible, but not as amazing as we had hoped since this was one of the few restaurants that actually required reservations a day in advance. Both of the desserts sucked.  Mine was a rock hard rum cake with a white icing shell that could not be broken after repeatedly stabbing it with a fork.  After giving up on the desserts, the waiter took pity on us and offered shots of tequila to help us wash down all the crap we just ate.  We decided one shot of tequila wasn’t enough, so we walked over to the bar and got some margaritas and headed to the Mexican restaurant for a piece of chocolate cake.

Captain Awesome disappointed by his mushy crab cakes.

Aquatic raccoons begging for food.

In case you were wondering … I’m picking up wifi on the beach (can’t get it in the room) on my phone. So as I write this post, the pics below are what I’m looking at. FYI, it’s 75 and sunny. Slight breeze coming from the west. It’s awesome.

A fine assortment of fruits and beverages

Danger Girl soaking in the tequila and rays

tequila and the beach . . . you know that's an awesome combination

Sweet view from chair-side

Eat yer hearts out!!!

After drunkfest 2008 and snorkle/zombie fest, Danger Girl decides that we need to go to Playa today. We get up (she shoe horns me outta bed), I gets my bacon on (which, by the way, was cut woefully short since the Mayans think you can’t eat bacon and breakfast after 10:30), and we wait for the bus.

After a short ride, we arrive at 5th Avenue, which is “the same as New York” says all the people that work here. Lies! First off, it’s like a bazaar. People are screaming “hey dude! Amigo! You come in my store, cheaper than Walmart”. I’ve never been offered so many pipes (for tobacco I’m sure). One dude told me he was a farmer and I needed to see his crops. Corn I’m sure. I declined since I didn’t want to get stolen and sold on the black market for stud purposes.

Danger Girl dragged me from store to store. Same junk, same dude telling us how awesome his junk was. The highlight of the day was drinking at a bar that had swings instead of bar stools. That was pretty sweet, and made the day go a little better.

So let’s talk about negotiating: our first experience in a store, Danger Girl found some ear rings she liked. Dude started in with 700 pesos. I’m like, “I think that’s like 65bux. Let’s leave.” Dude is like “no no, we make a deal. 650 pesos.” I say, “forget that sheeshnaw, we’re outta here.” He says “offer,” I say “400 pesos.” He gets pissed, but wraps it up. Secretly, I still think Danger Girl got hosed, but at least not $65 hosed.

Round 2 was for some wooden carved items that were pretty cool. Dude was like “650.” I say, “No way 650. 150.” He laughs and says “hand made, look at the quality. 600.” I say, “best I can do is 250,” and show him some money. He talks to his guys a bit and comes back with 300. Game on.

After a while, it becames apparent that we could talk down any price, but that got tiring after a while … Plus I hate shopping. So I’m all ready to go, but there’s no way we’re paying for a cab … And the bus doesn’t come back for an hour. So we stop at an “authentic” Mexican restaurant (lie) for beer and tacos. First of all, the beer was awesome (cold and full of alcohol). Second, the tacos were 65 pesos (5ish bucks) and were as big as a silver dollar. Not bad tasting, but mega tiny.

The bus comes, it’s standing room only since it’s the last one of the night. We roll back to the Sandos for drinking and whatnot.

Final word on Playa: it was cool if you like that sort of thing. It felt like a tropical version of Pidgeon Forge with less go-carts. In my mind, you go to a place like Playa for the culture and latitude. Just like you go to Gatlinburg for the Smokey Mountains.

But … I guess there is a buck to be had. As such, it is a tourist trap of mega proportions and swiftly turning into more of a resort town than it already is. The mega resorts are outside of town proper, but as we deviated from the recommends path (into the “ghetto and bario” as our driver put it) every other building was under construction and becoming a hotel of some sort. I guess it won’t be long before the whole area is a scripted experience. It felt a lot like being at Disney or Vegas, where the real world existed somewhere under the thick vaneer of bright pastel paint and behind the stacks cheap sombreros.

All in all, an interesting experience, but I won’t be first in line tomorrow morning for the bus. . For now, it’s tequila time! Pix below.

Swinging at the bar

The "New York City" of Mexico, Playa del Carmen. Lies!!

Chips and salsa before we got the "authentic" tacos . . . all of this was a filthy lie.

Shopping. O' god,the horror!

So . . . the aftermath of the tequla/beach fandango was a horrible mess. I wept when I awoke . . . Danger Girl was certainly worse for the wear. But . . . we had to soldier on. Today (Sunday) is Xel Ha (pronounced: “Shell Ha”) day. Snorkeling, all inclusive drinks at the bar, cliff diving, etc. It’s gonna be awesome. Also, as part of the all inclusive package, we get to go to Tulum and check out Mayan temples. Secretly, I think there are zombies and vampires, but I guess time will tell.

So we go to Xel Ha. Snorkle up first . . . and it’s awesome. I chase some fish for a while, but they won’t be caught. Just as I’m all in hot persuit, it’s time to eject and get ready to chase zombies . . . Danger Girl secures a double innertube and we transport back to dry land. Once there, I eat the finest of Mexican bacon and some tequila. Now it’s super-bus to Tulum.

Note: driving in Mexico isn’t what I expected . . . it is sane and normal. Well, except when the tour bus hit another tour bus . . .and our driver got out and started ragin’ against the other driver. But that’s another story.

Anyway, me and Danger Girl roll to Tulum, we immediately lose our guide and have to sneak into the facility without paying. Using my jedi powers to convince the ticket person that we were with another group and he had our tickets, we took our own self-guided tour and hunded down some Maya zombies. The view was flippin beautiful, and Danger Girl tangled with a zombie, and ended up more worse for the wear.

Well, pix below. Comments please!

Gnomy taking a dip. Danger Girl's hand in the way of the lens . . .

Me and Danger Girl about to get that snorkle on

This is where we are snorkeling. It doesn't suck.

Water is pretty clear . . . lots o' fishes.

Quick nap before zombie hunting

The search for zombies begins . . .

None here . . .

Or here . . .

There are rumors they live in this place . . . me and Danger Girl are gonna circle around back . . .

Back of the castle . . . Danger Girl flexes . . . oooh so strong! Zombies beware!

Danger Girl enters the lair of the zombies . . .

Aftermath: Danger Girl gets bitten by zombies . . . I'm afraid she will turn into one (or maybe she fell and tried to break the camera . . . I'm not telling which).

So we woke up this morning early and hung over. Danger Girl was feelng worse for the wear, but nothing that a Tylenol couldn’t fix.

So then we went to that time share pitch. 3 hours later, they were pissed, and I was laughing. It was real dumb. They tried to pressure me … And I even told them I taught persuasion!! Note to everyone: I’m typing this on my phone, so don’t kill me for spelling errors . . . i’m doing my best typing while drunk on a 3 inch screen .

Then we got hammered on the beach. By hammered, I mean dude came around with tequilla every 10 minutes, OMG-we’re-gonna-get-eaten-by-a-shark hammered. I love this place. The beach is a little rocky, but the taquila is flippin’ primo. Pix!

Danger Girl getting that drunk on

So one time me an´ this statue went out drinking . . .

Gnome reppin´ it in the surf . . .

Danger Girl got dangerous on some tequila . . . a lot of times.